Save My Marriage » stop http://www.savemymarriagecenter.com Save your troubled marriage and start enjoying life again! Wed, 23 Jul 2008 18:12:59 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.9.2 en hourly 1 Six common reasons for divorce: Save your marriage and stop divorce http://www.savemymarriagecenter.com/six-common-reasons-for-divorce-save-your-marriage-and-stop-divorce.htm http://www.savemymarriagecenter.com/six-common-reasons-for-divorce-save-your-marriage-and-stop-divorce.htm#comments Wed, 07 May 2008 17:57:53 +0000 ioventures http://www.savemymarriagecenter.com/six-common-reasons-for-divorce-save-your-marriage-and-stop-divorce.htm Boy meets girl. They go out on a few dates. Their mutual attraction blossoms into friendship. From friendship, love grows and the couple decides to share their lives together. They get married. They have a few children. And somewhere, as the years go by, that friendship, respect, and love is overpowered by anger, resentment, and eventual divorce. Many couples even wonder why they got divorced in the first place, finding it difficult to pinpoint exactly when their bond began to unravel. Others may find fault with their spouse, thus blaming them for the marriage ending. How can two people who once loved each other; two people who shared their hopes, dreams, and lives together go from marital bliss to divorce? How can you save your marriage and stop divorce?
According to the U.S. Census Bureau, more than half of marriages end in divorce. In fact, less people are getting marriage according to U.S. Today. Citing the fear of divorce as the chief reason for postponing or even avoiding marriage, they report that 62% of Americans were married in 1990 whereas only half of Americans are married today. Dr. James Long, a published author and marriage counselor, says the reasons for increased divorce rates can be attributed to mobility, affluence, and isolation. Mobility: Traditionally, people lived and died in the place they were born; therefore, marrying people they grew up with and, as such, shared similar lifestyles and ideals. Today, however, many people travel to other states for school or work meeting a variety of people who come from diverse backgrounds. Affluence: In times past, couples relied on each other for survival since resources were limited. Each worked together to maintain homes, provide for the family, as well as each other’s personal needs. Yet, with today’s abundance, says Dr. Long, people are less reliant on each other for basic needs such as housing, food, clothing, or even entertainment and fulfillment. Isolation: With increased technology mediums, such as the Internet, people are more isolated from each other than ever before. “People live in isolation these days,” says Dr. Long. “[As such] they do not get to observe others and see how actions have long term consequences. Instead, they live in an unrealistic dream world created by fiction entertainment, journalism, and advertising. As a result, they have world views that are more conducive to causing disasters in the physical world that their bodies live in,” he says.
While Dr. Long’s explanation may be too broad and simplistic, it provides a base for why many marriages result in divorce. Exploring this concept further, here are six common reasons why many marriages fail:

• Assuming instead of asking—failure to communicate. There is a reason why a catchy phrase about assumptions has been coined. So many people fall into the trap of not communicating; however, open two-way communication is essential in every relationship. Before getting married, each person should have a fairly accurate idea about what the other person wants and expects from marriage; you should know each other’s personal philosophies and beliefs, goals, aspirations, strengths and weaknesses, family traditions, spending habits, and other likes/dislikes. If you marry someone who needs “me time” at the end of the work today, and you crave togetherness and intimacy, you cannot assume that person will suddenly become extroverted during marriage. In truth, marriage is about bridging two lives into one. It requires compromise and sacrifice. Yet, by assuming something(s) about your partner and what your marriage will be like, you are setting both yourself and your spouse up for disappointment (even failure). Marriage is not only about sharing a bed; rather, sharing yourself, which requires communication.

• Unrealistic expectations. When we love someone, their faults and quirks seem very unimportant. When you agree to share your live with someone, you are not thinking about the fact he leaves dishes piled up in the sink or if she leaves bras hanging on the door knobs. And, truthfully, these quirks are relatively trial in the grand scheme of it all. After all, no one is perfect. We would hope that our loved ones could see past our faults and limitations, so we can look beyond the quirks and see the reasons we love our spouse. Yet, it is important to remember that while marriage is deeply rewarding it does not transform your disorganized boyfriend into a neat freak. What annoys you as a single adult will become more intensified as you share your life and home with another person. Many adults, with this in mind, think that living together before marriage will help identify and remedy this; however, living together is not marriage. Choosing to marry someone is about commitment. Suddenly two individuals are united in a unique and profound bond. Marriage intensifies our feelings for another person. So, if you expect to find that your beloved’s love for golf is going to disappear, and spend all his free time with you—and you alone—you are bringing unrealistic expectations to the marriage. Again, this is where communication becomes vitally important.

• Rescuing or reforming. Remember, you are choosing to marry someone because you love them for who they are—this includes their faults, quirks, limitations, weaknesses, past mistakes, and other habits. If your intended spouse has a drinking problem, you may be able to help them overcome that; however, they must choose to get well because they truly want to be (and not because you are demanding it). Additionally, that person deserves to be married to someone who wants to share their life with them, not necessarily save their life (or change them).

• Differences in religion and culture. Marriage, fundamentally, is about two different people coming together to share their lives. Yet, studies show that religion and culture have significant impacts on relationships. If you were raised in a religious household and wish to raise your children as such, yet your spouse prefers to avoid the subject of religion this will create tension. Religion and culture help shape our ideals, even shape us as people. Marriage is about complimenting each other, and personal philosophies/ideas/beliefs/traditions are key to bridging the gap and fostering uniting between husband and wife.

• Money. Experts say that the main reason marriages fail today are due to financial disputes. While money is not everything, it is certainly an important aspect of our daily lives. We rely on money to pay rent, buy food and clothes, to provide for our children, and perform a host of daily activities. It is essential that intended spouses know the other’s spending habits, thoughts about money and financial planning, and even budget before getting married. Even if each spouse earns their own money, it is important that the couple be open and honest about financial matters. Money management becomes a key part of the partnership; each person has a responsibility to do it together. In marriage, it is no longer about the individual; rather, what is the best for each other.

• Not letting bygones be bygones. It inevitable—there will be difficult times in a marriage. Even the strongest marriages experience trials. Whether it is illness, the death of a child, unemployment, or other unexpected curve balls that life presents, there will be challenges. Remember, when choosing to get married you are agreeing to help carry each other’s burdens. You are committing to stand by each other, even when it is difficult. Love is work. Nothing worthwhile ever came without hard work. Yet, so many couples fall into the trap of dwelling on each other’s faults, or allowing the stresses of life consume them, that they forget to let bygones be bygones. Eventually annoyance leads to resentfulness, which breeds the seeds of anger and hate. Then, one day, this person you once admired and loved turns into someone who rather not associate with at all. Differences are reasons to celebrate the other person; to learn and grow from each other. In that, we become more united. In that, we find more reasons to love the other person.

By learning how to overcome such pitfalls, you can save your marriage. And by learning how you can save your marriage, you can stop divorce. For more information about how to save your marriage, please visit [enter link].

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